Ron Burgundy’s Five Tips For Real Campers

On this episode of The Ron Burgundy Podcast, Ron Burgundy and his co-host, Carolina Barlow, discuss the encyclopedia-in-progress Ron’s been working on (“Look out, Wiki-wacky, I’m coming for you!”) before they perform a rousing rendition of “The Animal Name Song.” Then, Ron shows Carolina his fancy knife collection, which does not at all end up with Ron losing a lot of blood. But first, eleven-year-old Timmy Wilson, one of Ron’s Premium Gold Fan Club members, asks Ron for tips about how to go camping. Obviously, this is priority number one: “I thought we were going to interview Richard Dreyfuss today?” Carolina asks, but Ron replies firmly, “Richard Dreyfuss is going to have to wait.”

First tip for a successful camping trip is to buy a good RV, Ron advises Timmy. “No one wants to put up a tent and sleep in the dirt. That’s for longhairs and Civil War reenactors, not for real campers.” Ron prefers the longer RVs because you can stretch out and watch the game, but any RV will do as long as it has “at least eight power outlets” for necessities like a toaster and a wine fridge. “Don’t cheap out and look for an old school bus, that’s not camping,” he warns. “That’s called being in a rock ‘n roll band and it has nothing to do with the appreciation of nature.” He also tells Timmy to skip the big parks, even though our national parks system is one of the things that makes America “the eighth greatest country in the world.” He prefers to camp somewhere with “fewer rules and regulations, if you get my drift.” Sometimes he’ll even just park his RV in a Wal-Mart parking lot because it’s convenient for supplies and “you meet a lot of interesting people!” 

Another good tip is to wear a suit. “Camping is no time to skimp on style and class,” he admonishes. “They make lots of leisure suits with plenty of stretch and bold colors for outdoor living.” When swimming, of course, it’s acceptable to be nude. “When your hidden parts are free, you feel free, it’s really that simple.” He also demonstrates a number of scary sound effects Timmy can do to make his campfire ghost stories really scary. After that, Ron and Carolina spend some time learning how Ron got his $2,000 “Rolleks” watch, renaming animals (raccoons are called “doublewences” now, but elephants are still elephants: “They nailed that one”), and dealing with a bayonet wound; hear all this and more on this episode of The Ron Burgundy Podcast.

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